Since I can remember, one of my favorite people in
the whole world was my Grandma. It’s hard to explain what a beautiful spirit
she was. She was a nurturer in the truest sense. If someone needed something
and she had it, she would give it to them without being asked. She was soft
spoken and gentle. In a big family, she always took time for you and made you
feel special. Maybe this is something all people feel about their Grandmas, but
I always felt safe and loved when I was with her. She was a very special person
in my life.
When she passed away last fall, it came as a shock.
We all knew she was sick, but she had always been resilient and demonstrated a
quiet strength when things were tough. So, naturally, we all assumed she would
bounce back to good health. I helped go through her things after her passing.
One of the best things I had ever seen was a narrative, chronicling her
spiritual journey. I am not a religious person, but I was fascinated by her
spiritual experience. She had never spoken to me about it and when I found
yellowing papers filled with her writing and revealing her private thoughts, it
allowed me to still feel connected to her.
I was grateful to have found this treasure. She was
an articulate speaker and I was ecstatic to find out she was a beautiful writer,
as well. I found myself wishing she had kept a diary so that I could discover
more of her thoughts and experiences. She was modest and would’ve have hated to
draw attention to herself. But, I was always proud of the woman she was and
wanted to share her experience with anyone who may connect with it.
Experience of a Poor Sinner Saved by
Grace
By Mary Rachel Greene-Hoskins
I’ve felt impressed for some time to sit
down and write my experience on paper as I’ve never been good with words. Seems
I could never tell the wonderful things my God, did for me without choking up
with tears, and to, I was hesitant for fear I might offend some of my sisters
in the church. Before I write my experience I want to say this isn’t intended
to offend anyone. I feel there’s many better sisters than myself who wear short
hair. But I keep feeling impressed to tell this to someone.
I was thirty years old and the mother of
five small children, when I felt the Lord first visited me. Ever time I would
pick up the scissors to cut my hair this small, still voice would say, “Don’t
do that it’s wrong.” But being the stubborn person I was, I would harden my
heart and say, “Oh I’m only imagining this thing. I’m not really hearing this
voice.” I’d go ahead and cut my hair and then I’d feel so condemned I’d shed
tears of regret – this went on for around a year and I began to think I was
going crazy. One night I’d gone to bed feeling as well as usual. When suddenly
this Great Power, came down upon me and the still voice spoke to me again and
said “Are you going to cut your hair again?” I thought I was going to die. I’d
never felt this way before.
I called to my husband and told him
something was wrong. I raised up in bed and tried to pray. Out loud I asked God
to please, don’t take me away from my little children, and I made a silent vow
to Him never to cut off my hair again. My husband, my brother, and his wife
helped me out of bed and wrapped me in a blanket, my bones were shaking and my
teeth chattering. I believe the fear of God was upon me.
Then the trouble came. I was so disturbed,
I couldn’t find rest for my soul. The Lord directed me to the old Calvin Church,
each time I would attend the church. I would go home carrying a heavy burden
and each time promising my God if he’d spare my life to get back to the church
I’d do his bidding and join the church, but kept breaking my vows. Along in
June the burden got so heavy I felt I couldn’t carry it any longer. I promised
my God if he’d spare my life until July meeting (as we only had church once a
month in our area) I’d do what I felt he was telling me to – join the church.
My only sister in the flesh lived out of
state and I was using her for an excuse. I wanted her to be home when I was
baptized. She always came home for the 4th of July, so everything
worked out and she came home one week before church time. Then I tried another
excuse. It wouldn’t really matter if she wasn’t there I told myself. So I’d
come to the conclusion not to say anything to her about the trouble I was in.
When Tuesday morning around 5 o’clock an angel of the Lord spoke to me waking
me out of sleep as if someone had poured cold water on me and said,
You either do what God told you to do or
one of your children will be taken from you.
I jumped out of bed. My husband asked why
I was getting up so early. I said, I’ll tell you in a minute, I was choking
with tears and couldn’t talk just then.
When they got up I told him and my sister,
“I was going to have to join the church.” I told him what had happened and my
sister not understanding said, “Oh you just imagined that.” I said, “I know
this isn’t my imagination this time!”
I joined the church Saturday night and was
baptized Sunday morning. My sister told me after the baptizing, said when Elder
Miracle raised me up out of the water she saw a dove light on my shoulder. Said
she looked down at her arms and they had chill bumps all over them. She said,
“Now you know I didn’t really see that,” just some more imagination, she said.
A few days after I was baptized I had a
dream of being called to go to old Elder Slusher’s house, and seeing the young
man who was sent to direct me there, was feeble minded I was hesitant to go
with him. When this voice spoke to me and said, “Go and the Lord will take care
of you.” I started following him up a mountain and he got so far ahead of me I
lost sight of him and was following his footprints. I came to this rail fence
across the road and seen his footprints in the mud, under the fence. I got down
to follow him under the fence, when I was half through under, the fence came
down on my back pinning me face down in the mud. I was helpless to move,
backward or forward. When the pain got so great I thought I couldn’t stand
anymore this Great Power lifted the fence off my back and I was on the other
side on top of the mountain.
I looked and saw a great host, and what I
thought was the top of Elder Slusher’s bald head shinning in the sunlight, but
when he came closer it was Jesus (I couldn’t see his face). He came and took my
hand and led me to the right to a pool of crystal clear water. He spoke to me
and said, “You’ve been baptized in this liquid water. I am He who’s baptized
you with the fire and Holy Ghost.” I awoke rejoicing. There’s many more things
my God did for me, too numerous to write on paper.
- A sister
in Hope (Mary)
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