Do
you remember the Tina Fey quote from Mean
Girls, “You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores; it
just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores”? I love that quote.
It made so much sense to me when I was in high school. I had never heard anyone
say that. It used to be a funny, cool thing, back in the day to call your
girlfriends those derogatory terms. I, personally, never liked it, but I didn’t
have the communication skills, at that time to put into words why I didn’t
think it was good, or cute, or whatever. So when Mean Girls came out and I heard that quote, it kind of clicked for
me. Words have so much power. Your words have power. Why would you want to use
them to bring another person down, (which was a major theme of the movie)?
I
will say that I have noticed a generational shift, with today’s young girls,
where they are much more caring and uplifting of one another. When I scroll
through my Instagram feed, I see so many posts from my young, cousins, in high
school that have numerous positive comments from their girlfriends. I can’t
even count the number of posts that go something like, “TBH, I think you’re really pretty and really smart.
And I wish we could hang out more,” or “You’re really beautiful and sweet!”
This makes me so happy. And I am not embarrassed to say, that in this way, I
have taken note of how to be a supportive friend from these preteens and teens.
I’m not being facetious one bit, because when I was an adolescent, I was
awkward and guarded with my feelings and even my compliments. What if I
complimented someone and they weren’t receptive to it and thought I was a big
weirdo? So I think it is beyond spectacular to see young girls support one
another this way! I am going to make one statement about this and then move on:
I contribute some of the shift in positivity to Taylor Swift. Say what you
will. That’s my opinion.
I
would say that some of the most important relationships that I’ve forged and
maintained throughout my twenties have been the female relationships in my
life. I would dare to say that the majority of my really great experiences have
been with my girlfriends. When I have a terrible day, my girlfriends are there
to listen to me vent. When I want to celebrate my accomplishments, my
girlfriends are there to take me out for drinks. When I had a terrible date,
they were there to lift me up. And when one of them moves on and gets married
or have babies we celebrate those milestones, knowing that the day-to-day minutia
of our relationship may shift, but we are still supportive of one another and
remain friends. Any one in their 20s know that it is a hard shift. All of life
is a learning experience, so you learn how to adapt and let your friendship
grow and change.
Here are some of the wonderful types of girlfriends one encounters
throughout their life’s journey...
*Your school friends*
You
may have met her the first day of kindergarten, while playing at the play-dough
table. Or perhaps you met in junior high, when you both feigned cramps to get
out of P.E. (you both knew the coach of the football team wouldn’t question
your lady problems). Or maybe you met during high school drama club’s
Shakespeare festival….errrr, I mean cheerleading. Lol. J But, she is your ride
or die. No matter what happens or how far apart life takes you, you know she’s
there. Maybe she moved out to the west coast, perhaps she now has a husband and
kids, but you know that when something epic happens she’ll be your first call.
Just not at 3:00 in the morning anymore, because you don’t want to wake the
kids.
*Your College friends*
As
we get older we make new friends. At the time, we all think, that we will never
get as close as we do with our girlfriends in high school. We spend the
formative years of our lives growing with them. We have inside jokes and silly
stories. But, as we develop separate interests, and our lives take various
paths, you meet a new group of friends; your college friends. You survived
(barely) several spring breaks with them. You may have gotten less than
desirable grades freshman year with them. They came into your life at that
magical moment when you were discovering who you are! Heck, they even helped shape your grown up
personality. They held your hair back that time you got sun poisoning and
alcohol poisoning, simultaneously, at Bonnaroo (very terrible decision, listen to
your girlfriend who hands you the sunscreen). They took notes for you when you
missed a class lecture. Could you have asked for anything better? Seriously.
These women are saints.
*Your work friends*
You
probably first met some of them during your high school/college job. You
suffered minimum wage and a tyrannous manager together. They may have covered
for you when you came back from your 30 minute lunch break a few minutes late (just
how is a girl supposed to be able to order food and stuff it down her throat in
a half hour, anyways?). You made fun of the boss together. You texted her every
time her crush came near your store. The struggle was real, but you always had
fun together and still keep in touch now. You will always support your boo.
*Your grown-up work friends*
Now
you are actually grown-ups you have your “big girl” job…you know, the one you
went to grad school to get so you don’t have to eat Ramen anymore…unless you
chose to eat Ramen (it’s weird how you still have those cravings for dried
noodles, no?). You go out to coffee together. You hand make her Christmas card
and write really nice things about how she’s awesome support and you could
never survive work without her. She invites you for coffee and you invite her
to your gym. She is one of the only people you trust to go to when you have a
policy question, because you know she’s one of the only people in the office
who won’t look down on you because you don’t know something. After all, she was
the one who kind of took you under her wing when you started there. She helps
you become a better employee and is one of the only people who understands the
stress of this job. Ayyyy! Ayyyy! Ayyyy!
*Your Acquaintances*
Maybe
she’s your neighbor. Maybe she’s your cousin’s gf who finds you at all of the
family gatherings. Or even the really nice cashier at Walgreen's who always
compliments your boots that your boyfriend refers to as your “gladiator boots.”
They make your day when you get to talk to them. They are a new person who in
one small way or another is interested in what’s happening in your life. That’s
a really great feeling.
*Your Family:Mommas, sisters, aunts, and Grandmas*
Did
you ever think that your sister would be one of your best friends when you were
fighting over your new pair of jeans? Even more, did you ever think your mother
would be one of your best friends when she grounded you for hiding alcohol in
your closet (btw what were you thinking? That’s just the worst hiding spot
EVER. You were basically asking to get grounded!) They have been by your side
your entire life. They supported you when things got rough. They know all of
your baggage, loved you through the Sun-In incident of 2000, and overlook your
insane obsession with Hanson that is still a thing today (that last one may
just be me). You have a family bond that can never be duplicated or
compromised. They love you flaws and all. And your Grandma has ALWAYS been the
best. ALWAYS. No one is more of a saint than her. You hope to one day be like
her. No wavering there.
*Friends honorable mentions*
*
Your
Inappropriate Friends
They always have a crazy sex story or wildly
dirty joke and you love that about them. I bet they’ve probably followed you
into the bathroom just to finish telling you their crazy sex story, when you told
them you had to pee. Neither of you have to worry about judgement from the
other. You love that you can’t gross them out, you can’t offend them, you can
just appreciate them in all of their unapologetic glory. <3
* Your Teacher
Friends
They
encouraged you when you wanted to give up, but they still pushed you and
expected your best. They prepared you in some way to become the educated,
independent, take no B.S. woman you are now. How can you ever repay their
friendship. They served as a role-model when you needed them. I bet you have
them on your facebook friend’s list and chat with them to see how their new
students are (although you’re pretty positive they could never be as awesome as
you). They wrote your reference letters for college and/or jobs. You’ll always
appreciate their guidance.
There are so many great female friendships out
there to be forged. Every day is the opportunity to meet someone new, learn,
and grow into a better person. Always treasure your friendships and take care
of them! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and offer encouragement to someone,
that may be the first step to a beautiful friendship!
